How to tell people someone has died

Who to tell, and in what order

Work outwards from the people closest to them. The aim is simple: nobody important should find out from a group chat or a social media post.

1. By phone or in person: the inner circle

Partners, children, parents, brothers and sisters, and the few friends who were family in all but name. Call, or visit if you can. If someone is likely to be alone when they hear, ask a person near them to be there.

2. By phone or a personal message: close friends and the people who need to act

Close friends, their employer or business partners, and anyone who was depending on them for care or a lift this week. A short call is kind; a personal text is fine.

3. By text, email or group message: everyone else

Wider family, colleagues, neighbours, clubs, church or community groups. This is where one clear message with all the details saves you dozens of conversations.

4. Last: social media and public notices

Post only after the people in steps 1 and 2 have heard. A funeral notice in the paper or online usually goes up once the service is booked.

Wording you can copy

Short is fine. People are not judging your writing; they want to know what happened and what happens next.

Hi, it's Ruth. I'm very sorry to tell you that our Mum, Peggy, died peacefully yesterday. We'll send the funeral details once they're set. You don't need to reply.

I'm so sad to share that Dad died on Sunday morning, at home with all of us. Thank you for all the ways you were part of his life. The service details, and ways to help, are all here: [link]

Sad news: our dear friend Arthur passed away this week. Funeral details to follow.

"You don't need to reply" is worth including. It gives people permission not to find the perfect words, and it spares you a phone full of messages you feel you must answer.

Write your own message

Fill in a few details and copy whichever version suits. Nothing you type leaves this page.

What to include, and what to leave out

• Include: who died, roughly when, and what happens next (details to come, or a link).
• Optional: where, and whether it was peaceful or expected. Many families find a word like "peacefully" answers the question people won't ask.
• Leave out, unless you want to share it: the cause of death. You can say "after a short illness" or nothing at all.
• Ask first: in many Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities the name and image of someone who has died are not used for a time. If that applies, check with family or community before sending anything with a name or photo.

Organisations to notify

This can wait a few days. Once the death is registered with your state's Births, Deaths and Marriages, the free Australian Death Notification Service lets you tell many banks, telcos and utilities at once, instead of one call at a time. Centrelink, Medicare and the Australian Taxation Office have their own processes; the funeral director can usually point you to them.

Let someone else carry some of it

Pick two or three people and give each a list: one rings Dad's golf club and the neighbours, one tells work, one handles the school parents. Then the questions start: when is it, where do I park, can I bring anything, is there a livestream? That is what a single page with all the details is for: you text the link once, update it as plans firm up, and people find their own answers.